Feeling My Age

The near-perfect cappuccino: 1 of 3.  Pic taken with Instagram
Pump the black stuff into your cup…

The near-perfect cappuccino: 2 of 3.  Pic taken with Instagram
Top it off with inexpertly frothed milk

The near-perfect cappuccino: 3 of 3. Pic taken with Instagram
Half an hour later take huge swig of Gaviscon to relieve crippling heartburn from raw caffeine overdose on a ravaged stomach lining.

#disappointingespressoexperience

Pic taken with Instagram

Last November we lashed out £90 on a proper De’Longhi coffee machine which has rapidly taken centre stage in our kitchen – getting way more use than the blender (right) or even the toaster (left).

Once you get used to the caffeine jolt of real rocketfuel espresso in the comfort of your own home, it turns 95% of the coffee served anywhere else into a #disappointingingespressoexperience

Another chapter in A Short History Of Speed.

One weekend recently Child A and I went for a cycle ride a few miles along the riverbank and stopped off at Merton Abbey Mills – a kind of poor man’s Camden Market for South Londoners. The only place open that late in the afternoon was a small Brazilian cafe called Katavento where the only soft drinks on sale were Coke, Sprite and Guaraná Antarctica.

Having established that the latter was a delicacy unique to South America, it seemed churlish not to order a can and give it a try. It tasted sweet, fruity and slightly sickly but boy, does it get your heartrate pumping: the rest of the bike ride passed in a blur. After Child A had consulted his swanky HTC Android phone we learned that Guaraná Antarctica is seriously caffeinated, has its own Wikipedia page and is actually distributed in parts of the UK – though we’d never seen it before.

Other fascinating Wikipedia factoids about Guaraná:
* Brazil is the third-largest consumer of soft drinks in the world
* Brazilian sales of guaraná beverages exceed those of cola drinks.
* In rats, guaraná increased memory retention and physical endurance.
* In humans, memory, alertness and mood were increased by low doses
* Guaraná may affect how quickly the body perceives itself to be full

My first encounter with amphetamines was in 1973 when my friend H slipped me a small tablet which I stowed in my wallet for later investigation then promptly forgot. Two weeks later an ill-advised night on the town left me feeling like death at work next morning. Having crawled into the office at 9:29am I put in what felt like five hours’ gruelling work before realising it was still only 9:35. Another eight hours later the 10am tea trolley arrived – and then I remembered the little pill in my wallet. Washed it down with my morning cuppa and two minutes later it was lunchtime. Result!

The next was in the late 70s when a kindly private doctor prescribed me a particularly pure form of medicinal amphetamine  designed, he told me,  to help airpline pilots stay awake on longhaul flights. It was brilliant stuff – no gabbled speech, racing pulse or grinding teeth – in fact no noticeable side effects at all. You just stayed alert and awake for eight hours. Result!

With my thirties came a cocaine habit. Coke was pretty much the reverse of the Pilot Pills. All side effect and no noticeable benefit. Since so many people around me were doing it socially, we all kind of took it for granted that we were having fun. It was a buzz of course but bascially a waste of the little spare cash I had. After stopping in 1986, I’ve never felt the urge to take it again. A result of sorts…

But over the last three decades any pharmaceutical drug with even a hint of recreational possibilities has become minutely regulated. No doctor, however amenable, will risk getting struck off for the sake of helping a patient stay illicitly awake when tired. Now I have a freedom pass, keeping awake and focussed at work – or even when out in company – requires copious cups of high octane espresso plus more cans of Red Bull than can be good for anyone… And that’s no result at all.